Now that you know what gaslighting means, you’ll probably be able to pick out lots of examples in movies and TV.įilms like The Girl on the Train, starring Emily Blunt, or Elizabeth Moss’s 2020 thriller The Invisible Man all highlight gaslighting behavior from male partners. This might be as simple as running through some examples of their behavior and how it made you feel. Try to reach out to someone you trust and explain what you’re going through. Many of us think it’ll never happen to us, but you’re never alone. It can be really jarring to attach the term “abuse” to your relationship. When someone tries to break your confidence and change the way you see yourself by speaking down to you or humiliating youīeing given the silent treatment during arguments, feeling like you can’t hang out with certain friends or family members, being made to feel responsible for your partner’s emotions and reactions, and being made to doubt your own memories and beliefs also all fall into this.When someone tries to control your actions or confuse you into not knowing what the truth is anymore.When someone regularly and intentionally uses their words and actions to scare or upset you.UK-based nonprofit SafeLives explains that psychological abuse can include: They make you feel responsible for their feelings and behavior.Ībuse may sound like a loaded term, but gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. When you push them away, they blame you for making them mad or jealous enough to do it. A partner, friend, or family member is physically aggressive toward you.You ask them not to treat you like that, and they tell you that it was only a joke, and they weren’t even talking about you. A friend makes a joke at your expense.You protest and ask them not to do it again, and they tell you to stop overreacting and to lighten up. The person you’re dating touches you in a way that’s too rough or inappropriate.They may even disguise it as telling you that it’s “for your own good.” If they do this in an attempt to isolate you, then it can be considered gaslighting. During a heated discussion, someone tells you that your coworkers, friends, or family don’t like you as much as you think they do.This is gaslighting if the person is making you believe that your memory is wrong in order to manipulate or isolate you. You’re sure that they said something, but they’ve changed their story now that they know they’re in the wrong. You might disagree with someone about a previous conversation.“Gaslighting can happen in any type of relationship - be it with a partner, a friendship, or in a family setting - where someone wants to put the other person in a position of relative weakness to keep them around or to control the dynamic,” she explains. “It’s used today to describe the process when someone says and does things to make you think what you know to be true is ‘in your head’ or that things are your fault when they are, in fact, not.”Īnd while gaslighting in popular culture usually follows the same formula and appears between characters who are dating, Masterson says it can happen in any situation. “In the movie, the husband did a number of things to convince his wife she was ‘insane’ so he could have her committed to a mental institution and keep her late aunt’s riches,” explains Masterson. Released in the United States in 1944 - with an earlier British version put out in 1940 - the film Gaslight follows a young woman whose husband manipulates her into madness. While you might have first heard the term on TikTok, the phrase “gaslighting” has actually been around since the mid-20th century - all thanks to a movie. So what is the definition of gaslighting, and is it a bit more serious than social media sometimes makes it out to be? Susan Masterson, Ph.D., licensed psychologist and Flo board member, Kentucky, US, explains the key thing to remember about what gaslighting means: “If you detect a pattern from someone who keeps making you feel like you’re ‘wrong’ about things you know to be true, you are probably being gaslit.”īut gaslighting behavior isn’t always so clear-cut, making it pretty tough to spot at times. You might not know what the definition of gaslighting is. But they may not be as obvious when they crop up in real-life situations. Spotting the signs of emotional and mental abuse, of which gaslighting is one kind, can be easy when they’re clearly laid out for us on screen. We’ve all thought it: Girl, listen to your best friend and dump them already. If you’re a fan of romantic comedies or reality TV, you’ll likely know the feeling of desperately wanting your favorite character to realize they’re being manipulated by their partner.
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